I Am So Fat and Ugly So What’s The Point?

I’ve wanted to keep my blog strictly about beauty, but self-esteem and self-care are topics that I keep popping to my mind.. and I guess they’re related enough? Today’s post was intended to be a mascara review, but things changed when I scribbled the title phrase in my diary. I’ve done it multiple times, especially when anxious, jealous, depressed, stressed or plain tired, monsters from my past raise their heads.

 
Self-Worth post | Laura Loukola Beauty Blog
 

Me, My Muffin Top and Road To Achieve Self-Worth

When I was in my late teens-early twenties I had the worst self-esteem. I had good social relations, family, I was good in my studies and things usually went the way I wanted. On the outside I had no reasons to be unhappy. But we don’t always get to bloom without growing pains and for several years I strongly believed that my looks were equivalent of my self-worth. Instead of focusing on self-acceptance or discovering what I really wanted to do, I decided to focus on getting as skinny as possible. Eventually things turned out that I became double times heavier than I was at my skinniest. My life was the worst. Even with help and support it took me years to heal and grow from my destructive beliefs and behaviours. 

There isn’t a day I’m uncomfortable with my body. My muffin top, big face double chin, enormous boobs and flabby arms. My BMI says I’m overweight and that should be enough reason to loose the extra kilos; for my health, my climbing performance, my looks. But what I’ve come to realise that despite its flaws I have a working body and that alone should give it some respect. For example, I don’t have any chronic pain, which makes me very, very appreciative of my (healthy) body. In the end, my body is my tool to move and live - not the mirror of my self-worth.

You Do You, But There’s A Catch

Let’s get real: Many of today’s beauty standards or ideals are plain unrealistic. We probably all acknowledge that on some level. But can one change the whole society? No. What you can do (eventually) is to change your own perception of beauty and above all - how you view yourself. If you want to be a beach babe, have botox, dye your hair, not shave your armpits and dye them green, get tattooed or maybe – not give a damn about your looks, go ahead. I cannot stand behind any body or appearance related shaming. Your beauty ideals shouldn’t concern anyone, only the reasons why you pursue them. 

My point is, you can “fix” things in your appearance, but you cannot fix yourself with your appearance. Trying to please others or control your insecurities or dysmorphia is a slippery slope with no happy ending. Your looks won’t fix your shitty job, toxic relationship or low self-esteem. Don’t be afraid of askin help when you struggle. If your goals, ideals, tastes have a healthy background such as self-expression, fun or getting healthier, then by all means - go ahead.

Challenges or food for thought: 

  • Think what you appreciate in your body (appearance doesn’t count)

  • If you want a change, what are the realistic motives behind it?

Self-Esteem Post | Laura Loukola Beauty Blog

Afterword

How did you like today’s post? Feel free to agree or disagree with me, but I’d love to know your thoughts and experiences in the comments below! Due to the sensitivity of this subject, I decided to publish this right away after typing without .. otherwise it might never see the sunlight, as most of my more unconventional topics. Take care! x

(PS: There has been some problems with comment approving. If you don’t see your comment, drop me a message on IG!)